


The Journey

by StuffandFluff



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Olympics RPF, Real Person Fiction, Sports RPF
Genre: Blood, Broken Families, F/M, Financial Issues, Injury, She's hurting please understand her, Somewhat rude Zhenya, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 09:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14258046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StuffandFluff/pseuds/StuffandFluff
Summary: Life is like a song, filled with high and low notes. You are the composer of your own song. Some people may help you along the way but it's up to you if you'll give up in the middle of composing it or finish it as you want.





	The Journey

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Velara](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Velara/gifts).



> This story kind of a rewrite of one of my other stories, One of These Nights, with a somewhat different plot.
> 
> I also wanted to remind you all that some parts of this fic is canon but others are part of the author's imagination and is purely fictional.
> 
> Lastly, Zhenya's free skate program in this story, which is also the story title is a song titled similarly sung by Lea Salonga, a Filipina Broadway singer.

_ They said that when life decided to make a joke on you, just laugh it all off. But at this point it's all too much. The jest life put up on me is too cruel. I came from a happy family who loves each other so much. But all came to shambles when my mom discovered my father’s infidelity. Now, the joyous family I have became a broken one. They divorced and I lived with my mom. It took a long time for our lives to be normal. I am thankful that my mom supported me in everything that I do. She became a mom and a dad for me, supporting me both emotionally and financially. The highest moment of my life is the first two seasons of my senior career. I was basically undefeated. I became the two-time Grand Prix Final Champion, two-time Russian National Champion, two-time European Champion and two-time World Figure Skating Champion. I was in a bliss. I thought that life finally took pity on me. What I don't know is that its vicious joke is just beginning. My mom found another man. I believed that matters won't get any worse than it is but I should have known better. This affair caused a gap in our relationship to the point of me having to move out of our house. It is so hard to live on your own but I wanna prove to all of my doubters that I can make it through, that I'll emerge victorious. And then came the injury. I had to sit multiple competitions because of this. I lost the opportunity to defend my GPF and National titles. Finally I was allowed to compete at Euros. But I know that from the very beginning that I won't win. And defeated I became. Though, it didn't stop me from training hard. After all my goal for the season is the only medal I haven't won yet, the Olympic gold medal. I thought I still got a shot at it. But then this freaking tendonitis decided to stand on my way. It came to a point that I need to receive painkiller shots for me to perform at the Olympics. Only to be beaten by just 1.31 points. I felt my heart getting crushed but I need to endure it and smile as I received the score in the Kiss & Cry area. I released a few tears but I controlled it after a while. And I still got hated for it and maybe they are right. I don't have the right to feel bad because I inflicted this loss to myself. It's my fault that I get injured, it's my fault that I didn't pushed harder. It is entirely my fault. I have no right to make excuses. As I accept the silver medal I felt its weight on my neck. In my eyes it doesn't look like a medal, it looks like a chain, binding me to this everlasting pain of slump. And to add salt to the injury, I am forbidden to jump for 2 months. And now here I am skating in an ice show just gliding around. Everytime I see skaters jumping, I feel insulted to the point that I want to quit the show but I desperately need the money they are paying me for my expenses. I'm making a living for myself after all. Right now I'm gonna head out to see someone who offered to treat me for lunch. And every opportunity to cut my expenses is welcomed since I'm tight on budget. I just hope that my heart will hold out while talking to him. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I'm waiting for a good five minutes inside the restaurant I chose when I finally saw her outline coming closer. She's wearing a small smile but I know well that she's using all of her energy to maintain it. _

 

“What's up with you and deciding to treat me for lunch, Mr. two-time Olympic Gold Medalist.”

 

_ The way she said ‘Olympic Gold Medalist’ is sincerely congratulatory but at the same time downright bitter. So she still hasn't moved on. But I didn't expect her to be, not this soon. Still, it's somewhat worrying me. _

 

“Hey, stop that! I'm still the same me. About the paying for lunch, hmmm I'm just feeling quite generous today.”

 

“Wow, I envy you and your wealth.”

 

“How about you? How’s life treating you?”

 

“So-so, I guess. Mainly broke. That's why I really wanna thank you for treating me for lunch. I really need it.”

 

“Are you still eating well?”

 

“It's not that bad, just that the ropes are really tight.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“You shouldn't be. C’mon let's order! I'm hungry.”

 

_ We placed our orders and talked to each other while waiting for our food. There's only a short time that I have not seen her but I felt that she changed so much. It feels that she's not the same person that I have known. I shook that thought off my head and tried to at least lighten up the mood. _

 

“Have you been enjoying your stay here so far?”

 

“Yeah, I do. You know that I love Japan. I had a chance to go to Universal Studios with Waka-chan and Kao-chan. I enjoyed it a lot.”

 

“Nice to hear that.”

 

“How about you? What makes you busy these days.”

 

“Well, there's ice show I organized and then I still have to go back to Sendai for the parade.”

 

“Oh yeah, I watched your ice shows. It's really entertaining.”

 

“I'm sorry I was not able to invite you. I was thinking that it will help for you to minimize your ice shows since you're still injured.”

 

“It's actually a good call on you. I might ruin your show.”

 

“Huh? What do you mean?”

 

“You know that I still can't jump right?”

 

“Yes, I heard of that but I also watched your EX. The song you're skating to is right. You're beautiful, even without the jumps. And I know that once you got your jumps back, it will be more beautiful. ”

 

_ She's really beautiful inside and out. I have come to know that a long time ago. I am glad that I finally got the courage to tell her that now. _

 

“Wow, I don't know that with your injury comes blindness.”

 

“What!?”

 

_ I am somewhat insulted to what she said but I let her elaborate what she meant first before I react. _

 

“My jumps sucks. We all know that.”

 

“Some of your techniques need polishing but it's doable. You have the best loop out of all the ladies competing.”

 

“Well it seems that you're not observing Alina.”

 

“So is that the only reason why I shouldn't invite you to my show? Because I would have still invited you if you're not injured.”

 

“Well, I'm not a legend like the skaters you invited.”

 

“You're a two-time World Champion and a two-time Olympic Silver medalist and for me the toughest competitor out there. You're a legend yourself.”

 

“Whatever.”

 

“Seriously Zhenya! Where is all this attitude coming from?”

 

_ She remained silent until our food arrives. _

 

“Here comes our food. Let's just eat.”

 

_ She remained cold as we were eating. Maybe I ticked her a bit but she needs to know that she's a great person and skater. For her to be stronger she needs to move on. She needs to put this past her. _

 

“I'm sorry…”

 

_ Her small voice crashed the silence between us. I looked at her and her face says so much of what she's feeling.  _

“I'm sorry. You're just being a great friend and here I am throwing all my frustrations on you.”

 

“It's alright. I got to admit that I'll never understand how you feel but if you need someone to talk to just remember that I'm only one call away.”

 

“I don't know. Maybe I need to clear my head all by myself. Thank you for the lunch. Excuse me.”

 

_ With that she immediately stood up and quickly walked away leaving me somewhat confused. The next time we’ll meet is on another ice show where it suddenly turned from bad to worst. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I don't know what to feel when I saw Yuzu walking down the hallway. When I asked about it, the FaOI staff said that his rehab has gone well and he's ready to skate once again. I am very happy that he made it in time to skate for the last leg of the tour but at the same time I'm dreading our next meeting since the last didn't turned out good. _

 

“Zhenya!”

 

_ It seems that there's no escaping now. I anxiously faced him and forced a smile. _

 

“Hi Zhenya! Hey, what's that face?”

 

“I'm just… constipated?”

 

_ He made a surprised face and then his loud laughter came booming around the room. _

 

“Oh, really?”

 

_ His amused expression made me regret my lame excuse. Really, constipated? I just sighed and decided to tell the truth. This is Yuzu, there is no hiding in his eyes. _

 

“I'm just guilty of what I have done the last time we talked. And I just left you there. Then I didn't even tried to contact you.”

 

“It's alright. You obviously need time back then. But I hope I am back in your good graces. With that said, may I treat you to lunch again.”

 

_ I said yes. And it had been a blast. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ The organizers had been good enough to let us skaters to the ice even before the call time for practice. And that's why I'm here, practicing my jumps. I jumped my triple lutz and landed it. I shook my head in frustration. I still felt the change of edge from outside to inside before my take-off. _

 

“Don't give yourself enough time to change your edge from outside to inside. Once you felt you're on the outside, tap quickly.”

 

_ I shockingly turned around to find who is with me and I saw Yuzu skating closer to me. _

 

“Isn't it too early to practice?”

 

“I just want to fix my jumps. It's not going well though.”

 

“It will not be fixed in a flash but believe me, efforts won't lie.”

 

“You and your quotable quotes. But seriously, why are all your jumps so good.”

 

“So you don't know.”

 

“Know what?”

 

“I was a lipper.”

 

“You were a lipper!? But your triple flips always come out of nowhere!”

 

“Then watch this.”

 

_ He prepared to jump, tapped and landed beautifully. _

 

“Wow! That's a nice triple lutz.”

 

“I jumped a flip.”

 

“What!?”

 

_ He repeated it again. Same preparation, same picking technique, same jump height, speed and distance and same gorgeous landing. But it's clearly…  _

 

“That's a flat edge.”

 

“Damn. I still can't jump it normally. Okay, now watch.”

 

_ My jaw dropped as he jumped the most beautiful flip I have ever seen. _

 

“You added complex transitions before jumping which gives it the jumped-out-of-nowhere effect.”

 

“And also the only reason why I can jump it from an inside edge. I tried hard to fix my edge calls and if that means to make the jump more difficult than it is, I'll take it.”

 

_ I am floored by his tenacity. He's on a different level. _

 

“Well, should we fix your triple flutz?”

 

_ I nodded to him and we started working until all the other skaters came. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I am packing my things after I cried myself out. I will not be able to finish this leg of FaOI. My right foot started to act up again and the doctor said that my injury recurred. And now there's no avoiding surgery. What have I done to deserve all of these? I'm done with this. I'm done with this. I'm done… _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

“Zhenya! Zhenya!”

 

_ I heard what happened to Zhenya. It is so unfortunate to hear her misfortune. That's why I'm here knocking on her door. But she won't open it. I am starting to have a bad feeling about this. I tried to kick the door down and succeeded on the third try. To my horror, I saw Zhenya sitting on the floor trying to swallow down a handful of painkillers. _

 

“Zhenya, no!”

 

_ I rushed to her and forced her to spit out the pills she took while it's still in her mouth. _

 

“Zhenya don't swallow it! Spit it out! If I have to forcefully take it out of your mouth I'll do it! Spit it out!”

 

_ She finally spit out the pills and cried out afterwards. _

 

“I just want all of it to stop…”

 

_ I tried to calm her down but when my gaze went to her right hand I noticed that blood is flowing freely on it. I rolled up her jacket’s sleeve upwards and my eyes widened with what I saw. Her right wrist was slashed, so many blood flowing out from it. I looked back at Zhenya and she's gradually losing consciousness. _

 

“Zhenya! Zhenya! Hold on, Zhenya!”

 

_ I saw her eyes slowly closing, her head lolling to side. This is not good. I applied pressure to her wound and quickly carried her outside. _

 

“Oh my God! What happened!?”

 

_ Other skaters are terrified and shocked as they saw me carrying an unconscious and bleeding Zhenya in my arms. All of them moved to the side to give way as I ran to the exit. _

 

“I'll explain later. We need to bring her to the nearest hospital. She's bleeding badly.”

 

_ At that, we went to the hospital as fast as possible hoping that we'll save Zhenya in time. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I am seated on the waiting area, my mind filled with worry. Is Zhenya okay? What made her do this? How can I help her? My distress must be very evident as Nobu comfortingly tapped my back and gave me a reassuring smile. _

 

“She's strong. She will pull through.”

 

“Is she really?”

 

“The moment that you doubt her is the moment that she'll crumble. You're the only one she has now.”

 

_ Nobu is right. I should never doubt her and instead give her strength and motivation to keep on going. The doctor who attended to Zhenya called us over and explained her condition. _

 

“We reconnected the damaged blood vessels of her right wrist. We also facilitated blood transfusion to replace all of the blood she lost. She's out of harm's way now. But I suggest she be referred to a psychologist or a psychiatrist as it seems that she's suffering from clinical depression. She's already awake. You may go inside and visit her. Excuse me.”

 

_ The doctor took her leave after that. I made a move to go inside but looked at my co-skaters when they stayed rooted on their spots. _

 

“We'll visit Zhenya later. You two need to talk first.”

 

_ I am so glad that they understood our situation. I smiled thankfully and proceeded to get inside Zhenya's room. She's propped up on her bed while gazing outside the window. When she heard the door open she took her attention from the window to where I was standing. I saw in her eyes deep feelings of sadness and frustration I have never seen from her before. I was at her side from an instant, taking her hand and gently caressing it. _

 

“Why did you do that?”

 

“You know very well why.”

 

“You don't need to do that. How sure are you that you'll be happy if you succeeded in killing yourself?”

 

“I just want all of it to stop. What did I do to deserve this? Why am I being punished like this?”

 

“Zhenya, look at me. You're not being punished. This is all just obstacles to make you stronger. This will not end like this, okay? We’ll fight together. Is that a good enough deal?”

 

_ She smiled timidly but I am glad that at least I have something to hold on to. She'll make it through. We'll make it through. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I am so glad that Yuzu is with me throughout this whole process. He boosted my confidence before my operation. He visited me after my foot surgery. He calls me to remind me to take my antidepressants. He video calls me every night. And when I first got back on ice, he's the first one who congratulated me. All is going well. ISU already released the participants in the GP series and I am assigned to Rostelecom Cup and IdF. But my eyes can't believe the name I saw under Rostelecom Cup. _

 

_ Yuzuru Hanyu _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

“Why did you choose Rostelecom Cup when you have Skate Canada so close in your training grounds? And then you have back to back competitions with NHK Trophy and Rostelecom Cup.”

 

_ We're doing our nightly video calls and I asked Yuzu this question because I am really curious as to what might be his reason for choosing Rostelecom Cup. _

 

“Well, do you want my Canadian silvers to tell you why?”

 

_ I laughed at his joke. Well that's true. _

 

“I also feel that I won't be ready to compete as soon as Skate Canada so NHK Trophy as my first competition is quite alright. Also, I want to know how back-to-back competitions feels like. You also have IdF immediately after Rostelecom Cup, right?”

 

“Yeah, and GPF if I got lucky.”

 

“Hey, believe in yourself. You can make it.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

_ That night I slept with a smile on my face and newfound faith inside me. But I also need to remind myself that Yuzu is just being a good friend. No more, no less.  _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ I skated around the rink to let out my frustration from this past competition. I finished 7th which trampled my chances of getting in the GPF. At least I am still invited in the gala show. I jumped triple lutz, one of the jumps that failed me and just like in the competition, I lost my edge as I landed and fell. I punched the ice in anger. Why is everything not working out for me? _

 

“Stand up. Try again. Nothing will happen if you keep getting frustrated.”

 

_ I stood up but I didn't try to jump. Instead, I headed towards the boards and got my water bottle thinking that drinking might clear my head but it didn't work. I still feel angry and frustrated as hell. I put down my water bottle harshly and faced Yuzu. _

 

“Maybe you should just stop acting as if you care. I don't need your pity!”

 

_ I didn't expect what happened next. He slammed his hands beside my body, trapping me in between the boards and himself. _

 

“Y-Yuzu…”

 

“I really hope that I'm just feeling pity when I look at you…”

 

_ He bowed his head and sighed. When he looked up I can see in his eyes a mix of emotions, frustration, hurt, fear and… longing. _

 

“What do you think is the real reason why I'm here!? I hope that I'm just pitying you. But that's not the case. I feel sad whenever I see you cry. I feel frustrated whenever I see you having a hard time. I feel hurt whenever you fall down. I felt fear when I almost lost you. And that's because I love you… so much.”

 

_ I saw tears flowing from his eyes. I held his face and gently wiped his tears. _

 

“I'm sorry. I'm so focused on myself I didn't notice that you're also having a hard time.”

 

“Zhenya, pain is normal. Pain is something that happens to everyone. But suffering is a choice. It's up to you if you will dwell on the pain and let it defeat you or you will move on and be the one to defeat it.”

 

_ By now I am also crying. He hugged me while making me calm down. _

 

“We'll fight through this Zhenya, okay? We'll fight through this.”

 

_ I nodded and believed. _

 

\------------------------------------------------------

 

_ 2019 World Championships at Saitama, Japan. After the short program, I am at third place almost 12 points behind the leader. I am the last one to skate. As I skated to the center ice for my free skate, I feel my heart beating so hard. Once I got to my starting position, I closed my eyes and sighed deeply to release the tension in my body. As the first notes of The Journey echoed inside the arena, I bare myself for all the world to see. This program is not just about my skating career but about my whole life. I left everything I have to give on the ice. I couldn't have done anything better. I waited nervously for my score at the Kiss & Cry. _

 

“The scores please for Evgenia Medvedeva from Russia.”

 

_ I have never been nervous like this, not even at the Olympics. _

 

“She had earned a free program score of 161.97 points, a new season’s best which gives her a combined total score of 244.99 points which brings her into first place!”

 

_ I won! I won! Oh my God! I won! I can't stop my tears from flowing down my face. But finally it's not tears of sadness or grief. It is tears of joy because finally my efforts paid off. I faced the audience to thank them for all of their support. When I looked up on the right side of the arena I saw him clapping proudly with a wide smile on his face. He's right. We fought through it. And we won. I did my best to express to him how much I owe him. _

 

“Spasibo!”*

 

_ I saw his mouth move. He's very far that's why I can't hear what he said. But I have read his lips and understood. _

  
“Aishiteru!”*

**Author's Note:**

> *Spasibo - Thank you   
> *Aishiteru - I love you


End file.
